On the humorous side…

Bob Sullentrup is running for reelection as Secretary of the Libertarian National Committee. While he has a webpage with the normal sorts of things one might expect from a candidate for internal party office, he’s also added some additional reasons to vote for him—and some are quite funny. Here’s the list:

> As a kid he almost counted to infinity once
> He square dances counter-clockwise in the southern hemisphere
> He has never seen the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’
> He has already completed his preparation for Y3K
> He always obeys the Law of Gravity
> He gets really pissed off at anger management classes
> He likes to speak simultaneously with other Bobs, thus creating oral Roberts
> He videotapes baseball games without the expressed, written consent of the Commissioner
> He once tried to buy camouflage trousers but couldn’t find any
> He has always considered himself a male lesbian
> He can perfectly spell all English words shorter than two letters
> Once a week he will always make time for Wednesday
> He has been falsely accused of having killed the Dead Sea
> He can perform long division using Roman numerals
> He can change a dollar in 292 ways
> He has never had knee surgery on any other part of his body
> He believes a fish with no eyes should be spelled ‘fsh’
> He likes astronomy and can readily identify the moon
> Reading this sentence is prohibited by law
> He likes to collect numbers from places that tell customers to please take a number
> He travels 300 million miles around the Sun every year
> He has a hard time telling when his invisible ink pen is empty
> He has never claimed to have invented the Internet
> He is capable of explaining to Bill Clinton what ‘is’ means
> He has no current plans to surf lava flows
> He appreciates his mother having diapered the proper end, usually
> He harbors no fear of irrational numbers
> He avoids girl scout Cookies made with real girl scouts
> He can watch 60 Minutes in well under two hours
> He tried as a kid to build a scale model of the sun using two D-cell batteries
> He can prove this statement is false
> He has been the incumbent LNC amanuensis (secretarial slave) for about 4/97ths of a century
> He has calculated it is VIII years until Super Bowl L
> He knows a few females he believes put the woe into the word woman
> He wonders why they aren’t called the Oklahoma Cheaters, since that’s that the Sooners did by jumping the gun
> He wants to meet a nattering naybob of negativism (ask Steve Dasbach if you’re too young for that one)
> He lost his collection of donut holes
> He disagrees with Al Gore in that it’s the extra sunlight from daylight savings time that causes global warming
> He never leaves the generation of random numbers to chance
> He observes a lot just by watching
> He continues to protect the Missouri River against theft and relocation
> He wonders why it’s a clown that appears after the music calls for a weasel to pop out
> He believes that half of baseball is 90% mental
> He still wants to invent a portable hole
> He does not think of the hole of the donut but of the donut as a whole
> He has not been able to locate Mona Lisa’s lost eyebrows
> He believes there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t
> He has never seen a woman apply mascara with her mouth closed
> He does not think a 10-gallon hat really holds that much
> He believes Pi r round while cornbread r squared
> He really does believe the Italian dessert tiramisu is named for his Mizzou Tigers
> He thinks skydivers are good to the last drop
> He deplores the discrimination against fractions sports teams perpetrate but stops short of calling for Congressional hearings
> He lived in Chicago for years but never once saw the town toddle as the song suggests
> He wants to solve global warming by organizing a Hands-Across-America-like event to get everyone running in the same direction to increase the rotational speed of the earth making the wind blow stronger to cool things off
> He takes his oxygen with two parts hydrogen
> He has never heard anyone say “I’m going to retire and move north”
> He agrees with Bill Clinton that ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure’
> He always wanted to be a major league ballplayer so he could wear the number square-root-2
> He actually did play against the Harlem Globetrotters as a member of the Washington Generals on January 8, 1988 in St. Louis

2 Responses to “On the humorous side…”

  1. ElfNinosMom Says:

    LOL! I have to say, a sense of humor is a good quality in anyone running for office.

  2. Freelanceguru Says:

    Got my vote. At least he would if I was american. And knew who he was.

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