Just a bit of humor…

The Onion has a hilarious piece up about third-party cola manufacturers.

Claiming the American consumer is in crisis, third-party soft drink Royal Crown Cola called for an end to two-brand dominance, demanding an equal playing field for all and urging sweeping restrictions on the amount Coke and Pepsi are allowed to spend on advertisements.

“Over the past several decades we’ve seen smaller, independent brands pushed to the sidelines,” RC Cola President John Sunderland said Monday. “We cannot compete with the massive amounts the big sodas spend on their ad campaigns—campaigns that obscure the truth and drown out alternative voices in American cola. Rather than an honest, open dialogue, we are instead subjected to a horse race between two giants that ignores the key issues of improved taste and refreshingness.”

The money quote, though:

“It’s all too easy to marginalize lesser-funded labels, especially when Coke and Pepsi can rely on huge war chests funded by the financial backing of corporations like PepsiCo and the Coca-Cola Company,” Sunderland said during a sparsely attended press conference. “In many cases, these corporations have a vested interest in these colas, and are able to saturate the media with their status-quo beverage message. That is just not fair.”

Editor’s Note: This article was also posted at Last Free Voice.

16 Responses to “Just a bit of humor…”

  1. Citizens For A Better Veterans Home[s] Says:

    Quality verses quantity! Quality: RC, then Pepsi Co, then Coke! [Independent taste test after taste test!]

    Earthly delights, Royal Crown Cherry Cola and Royal Crown Diet Cherry Cola!

    Even with three or four domestic automobile makers American drivers imported cars by the thousands. One official Post Office! Two viable political parties? Three or four domestic car manufacturers? Hey, go to the grocery! Dozens of choices right there on the cereal isle!

    [This is a proven, time tested annalogy for collecting signatures for minor and micro party efforts!]

  2. undercover_anarchist Says:

    Funny, but I hope the point isn’t that third parties complaining is as absurd as RC’s (faux) complaints. The difference here is that Coke and Pepsi are private companies and the major political parties are arms of government.

    It’s probably natural for their to be two dominant factions (perhaps led by big parties with little party hangers-on). But like Coke and Pepsi, these dominant factions should be determined in the free market, not by statute. And what’s more, unlike Coke and Pepsi, once entrenched in power, these factions should not be able to establish measures to undermine challenges to their dominance. In the world of Coke and Pepsi, this is branding. In the world of politics, this is law. But the law should be used to undermine party dominance in accordance with the founding principal of separation of powers.

    The sad thing is that, even though Coke and Pepsi are dominant, I can still easily find RC or a variety of local brands at my 711. What’s more, if more people in my state prefer Coke, that doesn’t mean I can’t have Pepsi (or RC). Maybe this cola analogy is really an argument for proportional representation?

  3. undercover_anarchist Says:

    “It’s probably natural for their to be two dominant factions”

    Oooh… I look like an uneducated CP member. Should have said “there” not “their”

    My bad.

  4. Anthony Distler Says:

    I think this was written as a humorous piece, but it does make sort of a point. RC Cola’s strife can somewhat be paralled to the third parties, though you’d have to go out on a limb to make the comparison. I myself, however, enjoy drinking RC Colas. It’s just hard to find it at different places.

    Now, some of the piece sounded like a call for Socialism, putting taps on advertising expenses and things like that. However, I bet there is a bit of a frustration on RC Cola’s board of directors when they have to compete against the power of Coke and Pepsi.

  5. Gene Berkman Says:

    As a bit of historical background, Coca-Cola was long identified as a supporter of the Democratic Party, and Pepsi-Cola has had a close relationship with Republicans.

    After Richard Nixon lost the governor’s race in California (1962) he became a corporate lawyer for Pepsico. And Coca-Cola, based in Atlanta, was an early financial backer of hometown boy Jimmy Carter in his race for President.

    Everyone knows Coors is pro-Republican, and Anheuser-Busch, brewer of Budweiser, is favorable to the Demcrats.

    I am not sure what beverage Libertarians prefer, although they often prefer something else to Beer.

  6. Anthony Distler Says:

    RC Cola should donate money to a third party. I can see the tag line now…

    “RC Cola, official sponsor of the Reform Party.”

  7. Trent Hill Says:

    UA,once again, your bigoted prejudice is making me weary.

  8. Stuart Richards Says:

    The piece was meant to get a laugh… I found it funny at least.

    Coca-Cola could donate money to the Nazis for all I care… Cherry Coke is the drink of the gods!

  9. undercover_anarchist Says:

    Hey, Coke did support the Nazis is WWII. It’s funny you should say that offhandedly, Stuart. They created Fanta to disguise the fact that they were supporting Hitler’s regime.

  10. undercover_anarchist Says:

    Trent.. I only based my self-admonishment on your own poorly crafted sentences, spelling, grammar, etc. The one-room school house where your only “book lernin’” was the Bible didn’t really work out for you.

  11. Trent Hill Says:

    My one room school called Louisiana State University? Hmm. BIG DAMN ROOM.
    Furthermore, I have read the Bible. As well as the Koran, the Vedas, and the alot of other spiritual literature. In order to form educated opinions on subjects I approached them from all angles. The fact that I read a Bible for guidance says nothing about my level of intellect. Read about Thomas Aquinas, he’ll shock the Anarchist/Atheist boots off you.
    Lastly, argueing with you is a waste of a time, as you are not genuinely interested in learning new things, celebrating third party success, or otherwise supporting this community.
    I, for one, am not entertained by your AGAINST THE ESTABLISHMENT act. Your anti-conformist conformity is making me QUITE sick.
    But, you know what they say…”There’s nothing a non-conformist hates more than the failure of another non-conformist to conform to the prevailing standard of non-conformity.”

  12. khatores Says:

    Wow…surprising what one satirical Onion article can bring out.

    Let’s ply apart the deep sociological meaning of the carmel color…the mysteries of political life are just as unfathomable, but once in a while, packaged truths come to the surface, stinging the media just like the carbonated bubbles fizzle on your tongue.


  13. paulie cannoli Says:


    I would prefer to ply apart the deep sociological meaning of the camel toe.

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